Unimaginably Hard. Unspeakably Brave.

By Victoria (Tori) Martinez

When you’re healthy, it’s easier to imagine a future full of possibilities. But when you’re chronically ill or in chronic pain imagining a future that is good, even though we’re still in pain, it is not as easy.

After I was first diagnosed, I was in denial, but that didn’t last long because of course you can’t deny pain as it increases in intensity. Once I came to a place of acceptance, I also fell into a depression. It’s a time of mourning the loss of the future you always dreamed of and will never have.

It’s not easy letting go of that image of the perfect life you wanted. But for those of us with chronic conditions it is necessary and helpful. It wasn’t until I let go of the future that I had always imagined that I could start to imagine a new future. That is a brave thing to do, and something not spoken about. Society would have us believe that if we let go of our dreams we are giving up, compromising, settling. No one wants to do that, so we hold on to something we can’t have. Honestly, it was a form of torture for me.

The teachings of Buddhism and Taoism tell us that you can’t fill a cup that’s already full. So, for us to get to a future that is purposeful, joyful, and meaningful we must first empty our cup. Release the old ideas, beliefs, limitations and dreams. Then you have the space to create something new.

So even though it is unimaginably hard to accept the new life, new body, new limitations you have as a chronically ill person, it is a very brave thing to do. Acceptance is the first step, then letting go of the old, then you can build something new.

The process will look different for everyone and there is no certain amount of time that it will take. When I first started on this chronic illness journey, I never thought I would be where I am today. Happy again, a business owner, doing what I love, and helping others like me. Don’t give up on yourself. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post “Healing isn’t about going back to who you used to be, it’s about learning to move forward differently.”

The image will be different, the dreams will be different, because you are different and that’s ok. I’m still in pain, I still struggle every day, some days I still can’t get out of bed, some days I have to cancel commitments. That’s the realities of life with chronic illness. It means I don’t operate my business around other people’s desires, but around my body’s needs. It means I must change my perspective of what a successful life looks like.  But what I’ve come to realize is that the American Dream we’ve all be sold isn’t a possibility for a majority of Americans anyway. So, create a new dream with me, because we don’t have to face chronic illness alone, we’re better together.

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This information shared here is based on personal experience and perspectives. It is not intended to be medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult A qualified health care provider for guidance tailored to your individual needs.

This blog is copyrighted to Victoria (Tori) Martinez and may not be reproduced in anyway without express permission from the author. Contact the author at 719-480-8739