Pretending to be Healthy Damaged me: What you need to know before you just push through

by Victoria (Tori) Martinez

There was a time when I wore my ability to push through the pain like a badge of honor.

I worked through migraines, I brushed off the dizziness, I took vitamins to gain some energy and work past the fatigue that clung to me like a second skin. I ignored the burning and tingling in my feet, the pressure in my head, and the ache in my bones.

I told myself I had no other choice, I needed the paycheck to pay the bills, I needed the insurance to “maintain my health,” I needed to work to survive. People feel this even more so with Trump's health care plan for 2025, that just passed. No health insurance, or reduced coverage is a real worry for many chronically ill and disabled individuals right now.

Like so many people living with chronic illness, I felt trapped in a system that rewards endurance over wellness. I had bills to pay and kids to feed. Responsibilities that didn't care whether I could see straight or keep food down. So, I did what so many of us do; I smiled through the pain, I pretended I was OK. I was so good at it in fact that when I just couldn't work anymore, when I came to a place of complete burnout, when it started impacting the quality of my work - it came as a surprise to my coworkers.

But pretending to be healthy cost me more than I ever imagined. Back then, my migraines were episodic, and my autoimmune condition was in remission. I had eight to ten migraines a month, still disruptive, still painful, but manageable in the eyes of the world. I pushed through them with ice packs, blackout curtains, and too much ibuprofen. But over time, the pretending caught up with me. Those migraines became more frequent, I had to start taking stronger, migraine specific, medications prescribed by my neurologist, then they became chronic. Now I'm lucky if I get more than a day or two between them. There was a stretch when I had migraines every other day and I didn't even recognize what a pain free week felt like anymore. And that's just the migraines. The more I ignored my body’s signals, the louder it had to scream to get my attention. Now, my autoimmune condition is no longer in remission and that adds to my daily pain.

Looking back, I know I did what I had to do. We all make choices for survival, especially when the system doesn't offer real safety nets for those of us who are chronically sick. But I also know now that survival at the cost of long-term health is a high price, one I wish no one else had to pay. If you're reading this and you're in that phase of pushing through - please take a moment to check in with your body. Use the FMLA. Use your sick time. Use your vacation time if that's all you have. And if you live in the state of Colorado, like I do, use FAMLI benefits. Rest is not a luxury when you're chronically ill - it's essential.

Don't wait until your body forces you to stop.

I wish I had honored my pain sooner. I wish I had rested more, said no more, and believed that I deserved to heal even when the world told me to hustle harder. So, here's your gentle reminder. You don't have to pretend to be healthy to be worthy. You don't have to earn your rest. You don't have to break yourself to prove anything to anybody. You’re allowed to take care of you.

There's also something else we can't ignore right now, Trump’s big health care plan isn't just rhetoric. If it rolls back protections for people with pre-existing conditions, those of us living with chronic illness may lose access to the very care we found so hard to get in the first place. That could mean higher insurance premiums, stricter coverage limits, or the potential Medicaid cuts for those who rely on it. For folks on Social Security disability, it could mean more red tape, more denials, longer wait times, and what people fear most is their benefits being stripped away altogether.

The impact of healthcare changes on disabled people is terrifying. Because many of us already live on the edge - financially, emotionally, and physically. We shouldn't have to fight to prove that we're sick enough, or worthy enough, to get the care we need just to survive. We deserve health care that supports our healing, not policies that punish us for being ill.

If you have been experiencing fear and anxiety around the political climate, we find ourselves in today, my heart goes out to you. Take a deep breath, reach out to a friend if you need to, take things one moment at a time. And please rest when you can. Take care of your body. And when you have the strength, let's keep raising our voices and fighting for a system that sees us, here's us, and doesn't abandon us when we need help the most. Leave a comment so we can all support each other.

You don’t have to face chronic illness alone, we’re in this together!

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This information shared here is based on personal experience and perspectives. It is not intended to be medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult A qualified health care provider for guidance tailored to your individual needs.