Surviving the Holidays with Chronic Illness: Redefining What Joy Looks Like

By Victoria (Tori) Martinez

Before chronic illness visited me, I saw the holidays the way they are often painted: bright, sparkling, full of energy and a time for celebration. But now that I am living with chronic illness and chronic pain, the holiday season isn’t always filled with moments of joy. The extra noise, extra time planning for travel, the unrealistic expectations we can place on our bodies, having to cancel social plans, and the sensory overload can push my already exhausted body past its limits.

If this is you, please know: you are not alone, and you are not difficult for needing something different. So, I'd like to share some of the things I've learned in the past decade of managing my chronic illnesses, in the hopes it helps you get through the holidays.

The truth is…

✨ We need to do the holidays differently.

✨ Our bodies might do better with slower moments, quieter rooms, and shorter visits.

✨ And that is ok.

It’s OK to Put Self-Care in Place Before Anything Else

Self-care during the holidays isn’t selfish for those of us with chronic illness, it’s survival. It’s also what allows us to actually be present for the people we love, even if it looks different than before.

Consider setting these in place ahead of time:

• Plan a rest day before and after gatherings

• Find quiet space you can slip away to when your body needs it

• Have a shorter visit instead of an all-day celebration

• Go in separate vehicles from your spouse so you can leave early

• Take a flare-up kit with medication, a heat pack, headphones, nausea relief, etc.

• Always have a backup plan, because our symptoms don’t follow a calendar

  
  

Sometimes self-care looks like fuzzy socks and a movie. Sometimes it looks like saying “I can’t make it this year, but I love you and I’m thinking of you.” Both are valid. Both are enough.

Having the Conversation: Why the Holidays Need to Look Different for Us

Sometimes having uncomfortable conversations with family can feel hard, but it matters, your voice and your needs matter.

Many of our loved ones don’t understand what chronic illness actually feels like. They might not know how much energy it takes just to get dressed, travel, or sit through noise and conversation. That’s why talking about it before the holidays hit can make all the difference.

Here’s a gentle way to start the conversation:

“I want to spend time with you, but my body works differently than it used to. I might need to rest more, leave early, or celebrate in quieter ways. I’m not trying to be distant; I’m trying to be present in the ways I can.”

It’s not about guilt. It’s about honesty. It’s about creating new traditions that include us, not exhaust us.

Redefining What the Holidays Can Be

Maybe we don’t need a full day of cooking. Maybe we swap gift-giving for a shared breakfast. Maybe we celebrate at home instead of traveling. Maybe we listen to Christmas music at low volume and call it a win.

Joy doesn’t have to be busy. Connection doesn’t have to be loud. Love shouldn't require us to be pain-free. From personal experience I have found that the holidays can actually be more meaningful when they are on our terms.

A Final Reminder

Your energy is valuable, but when you have chronic illness energy is the currency of our lives. It needs to be protected, carefully used, and takes longer to regain once it's been depleted. Your boundaries are a form of love for yourself and for those around you. Just know that your version of the holidays is still valid and still beautiful.