When You Forget Who You Are

By Victoria (Tori) Martinez

Maya Angelou once said that we need to forgive ourselves for not knowing what only time could teach us. Her words found me and hit me hard this week.

I think that at some point we all find ourselves stuck, ruminating in the mistakes of our past. Decisions we put off making until it was too late, self-care we never took time for until we got sick, vacations we didn’t take because we thought were too expensive until we burned out, not take time to hold our children a few minutes longer when we had the chance and suddenly, they’re all grown up and gone, the list could go on and on. When we are older, sicker, or unexpectedly experience loss, that’s when we look back at our lives and wish we would have done things differently.

Moments like that can break us, but they can also make us stronger. When, as Maya said, we take the opportunity to forgive ourselves, learn, grow, and do better next time. Maya is one of the most amazing poets of our time. Her poetry inspired one of the poems in my new poetry book. To take a moment of pain or regret and turn it into words that capture a moment of epiphany and empowerment is a dance, an artform, a privilege I do not take lightly. It is both amazing and humbling to be a poet. Both a thrill to share words that evoke deep emotion and a responsibility to be the one to spur someone on a journey of enlightenment.

When life happens and we forget who we are meant to be, poetry reminds. When pain makes us stuck, poetry liberates. When frustration ties the tongue, poetry provides the words we need to reconnect with humanity. When hatred poisons, poetry provides an antidote. When silence is a weapon, poetry spurs us toward difficult but necessary conversations.

Though not a miracle, poetry is a reminder that forgiving yourself for what you didn’t yet know is an act of radical tenderness. It is choosing to honor this version of you, the one who survived. My poetry is born in that in-between space, between regret and grace. It’s a form of radical truth telling. Let it guide you back to yourself. Let it whisper to you that you did the best you could and it’s ok to move on from here.

My new poetry collection, Out of the Ashes launches in April 2026, grab your signed copy early and get a bonus bookmark, and 5x7 art print of the painting created for the book’s cover.

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This blog post is copyrighted to the author; no part may be reproduced or used in anyway without the author's permission. The information shared here is based on personal experiences and is not intended to be medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider for guidance tailored to your individual need.