Holding Space for Both Joy and Pain

By Victoria (Tori) Martinez

Creative expression can be a way to process all the things that we are feeling. We are complex human beings, and we don't just have to feel one thing at a time. Let that sink in for a moment. It's OK to hold space for both joy and pain at the same time!

It’s September, my favorite time of the year. Autumn has arrived, the trees are changing colors, and It’s Hispanic Heritage Month. This month has typically been a time to celebrate my culture, celebrate the colorful art, the vibrant music, the food that makes you feel at home, and the stories our grandparents used to tell us at the kitchen table.

But this year feels a little different for many Hispanics and Latin/X in the United States. This year I’ve been experiencing a dissonance between wanting to celebrate and feeling the pain from the impacts of new government policies, procedures, and bills that have passed.

I’ve seen that mix of emotions coming through in my artwork. My paintings have been both sad and beautiful. My poetry has been both painful and healing. I encourage you to take a step back from the societal expectations of only being one thing and embrace the beautiful, complex, messy, mysterious, and wonderous creature that you are. All of you deserves to be seen and heard, not just one piece of you. For too long we’ve been conditioned to only show the parts that are digestible, desirable, and consumable. We are more than that. We can both love our country and hate what is happening in our country right now.

For those of us suffering from chronic illness and chronic pain, I believe it’s even more essential to allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel. When we bottle things up instead of processing them the toxic load accumulates until we crash. When that crash happens, it can take us out for days or weeks. However, by processing our emotions as they come, whatever they may be, we can express them and then let them go. Sometimes when we do that and other see us doing that, they feel permission to do the same.

So here’s a short poem on how I’m holding space for both the joy and the pain:

My dance today is joy and pain, I tap and twirl with colors gay as a resistance to those who want to strip that away.

My voice sings in Spanish, soft and lyrical of my people strong and brave, and of the way we overcame.

My painting of the Sangre de Cristo peaks above the Colorado pine trees. Reminding everyone what those names really mean and the language they really speak. Standing in eternal defiance of the erasure some may seek.

My poem today, a play on words, a hidden message I hope you heard. A welcoming space to hold joy and pain, a life defiant of any king, a voice ignited to let freedom ring.

I clothe myself in colors, I wrap myself in culture, I darn myself with hope knowing that through it all we are still here and we are not going anywhere.

To see some of my paintings click here.

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This information shared here is based on personal experience and perspectives. It is not intended to be medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult A qualified health care provider for guidance tailored to your individual needs.

This blog is copyrighted to Victoria (Tori) Martinez and may not be reproduced in anyway without express permission from the author. Contact the author at 719-480-8739